Writing In - Re post of my previous note

This is how I normally start off with my thoughts - it's been a while since I last blogged about what's happening in my life. To a certain extend I wonder if I've grown out of the fancy writing and flowery description.

Many things happened round the clock.. In and out. The dependency of blogging started with the urge to try blabber bout what's on my mind.

The magical journey began with curiosity. Middled with negativity postings of unhappy moments and slowly I was off to the road of happily ever after. I hardly blogged bout my sadness or my happiness. I just stopped talking bout them.

The pain is still vivid as if my wounds were still fresh. Was it the numbness that caused the pain or I hadn't been struck with full trauma? I could still feel. Painstakingly aware of whats happening.

I could see blood as I unwrap my hand with the over used table cloth. Infections, I thought to myself. The open wound with tissues and warm blood oozing slowly. Crap! There goes my date! I turned my hand and gave it a good check. A split in the middle finger overseeing the view of my bone. Awesome, now rings would look crappy on me. My ring finger with a chunk of meat off hanging and the nail looked as if it would look better off. Double crap! What the heck happened again?

I guess I was a little too calm. From this, I learned a few and appreciates more. 1: always cry out in pain and make the world look your way! Yes, get that attention. Perhaps someone would have a better way to the traumatic situation. 2: I am too calm for my own good. 3: I have high pain threshold makes it no problem to squeeze a head out of my private. 4: I love all gory and have no problem looking at the stitches - am somehow fascinated by the one suture from one side of the meat adhering back together with the nail. 5: I have no self restraint for eggs and old wives tale - I had peanut butter thr next day out of ward. 6: My mom actually finds me kinda kewl - she was the first person to know only after I checked in at emergency. Went for xray then called her. I must admit it was difficult not to make her worry. I didn't tell her bout the split. 7: never to call my bf with a calm voice. He for a moment thought it was a big fat joke. 8: I could still cam whore my finger.... 9: I have great colleagues who stood by me. 10: they even came to visit me the next day and helped parked my home. It's difficult to come by that nowadays colleagues are more than workmates - they became my buddies. 11: Clara is still my ever best buddy too. She came and visit me the next day despite her busy schedule. 12: Ewen is a dear too 13: I'm blessed for whatever.

To top it all, I wasn't that depressed bout the incident except The fact I couldn't go to work. It's a bless to have good people that makes you crave for work - besides the passion!

The thought that counts don't always get accounted for

Yesterday was Mother’s day and it was a little unpleasant to start off with. You know how people say it’s the thought that counts that is important? Well, I’d like to see it as JUST a comforting statement. And I doubt it applies when it comes to family dinners. Mother’s day celebration is the only day that comes in once a year – not to mention we were suppose to dine happy but we were also suppose to understand that the dinner is a no rush situation. Unfortunately, sometimes trouble finds its way with uncertainty.

My sister’s bf mother called in last minute wanting to dine with all her sons. I get that. It’s natural (so to say a little last minute – was it her sons that never expected to have dinner with her till she initiates it? Or it’s the fault of my sister who clearly didn’t mention having dinner with us at 6.4pm YET they were planning dinner at 8pm? Either way I don’t get it – either way I’m sure she never thought of it as a problem)

We made reservations at 6.45pm, they have another dinner at 8pm – mom asked them to leave at 7.30pm. I had all the reasons to be upset. It totally felt like a sit down – order our food – before the food arrived – hey guess what! We have to leave, Mom – bye!!

I get it that sometimes it’s a little difficult to juggle between your own mother and your boyfriend’s mother. If that’s the case – plan properly. I do understand that everyone is birth by their mother and the importance of being together for family dinner.

Certainly, I was more than just a little upset. Upset against someone who claims adult but clearly still having trouble laying out the plans properly. And worse scenario of all – why can’t her bf have dinner with his own mom while she have dinner with her own family? It’s not like she’s married and she’s bound by all the Chinese custom to have dinner with his family. It’s just this one dinner not counting the yearly reunion dinner that they take their dinner separately.

One has to know me to understand why it upsets me. My mother is the jewel of my heart and I prioritize her more than anything else and I do expect my siblings take it from there to prioritize her as much as I do. After all, we’ve only got one mom. I’m sorry if I was a little blunt with my words – but I don’t believe in beating around the bushes. Besides, I with a little low down tone will not make a difference. One can have love 365 days round the clock till they die. But one’s mother ages and won’t stay there 365 days forever.

At the end of the day – she didn’t stay for dinner but we did manage to patch things up. But I’m not hoping for another scenario as such.

21st April 2011: Soaking Ted

Long forgotten that I have a tendency to play with words and spread my thoughts across spaces and blogs. Tonight, this is me trying to bring out the demure side of me by typing or note a two.

Coming to 2 months working at the hotel and its definitely a love and hate relationship. First hate - rainy days. Walking to and back from work is a hassle on rainy days. I either get to start my day wet or feel frustrated that I've showered clean and wrapped up in my trendy raincoat YET my feet is soaking ted with dirt water! Hate two - I notice my calves been getting bulkier. Soon enough; I'd probably turn into Ms Hulk from the kitchen. Hate three - people always expect me to finish off their duties before mine. As if mine was never important.

Love - production is way better than buffet. But come to think of it, buffet is way much easier task. I don't miss it because every now and then, duty still calls for me. I wonder why.

Early of this month, I no longer belong to buffet. Instead I've been picking up pieces where someone else left off and handling full production for the hotel's cake shop. Yes, its just me and I. One person handling a total of 18 products that comes with 20 + insertions. They don't understand why my work is never ending. I don't get it why the previous girl had so laid back days.

On certain days, I hate working when my pastry chef is around. He dictates whatever I do. He's a pest. But he managed to say something meaningful for once. The power of creating and perfecting from the very basics. If we take the highway, this is what we would do till our glory days. True. Some days, this job is just like a job with endless quota to meet. I'm just there to do it and get done with it. Its like a mad race which never ends. I totally missed the importance of getting every single detail right before I proceed. I lost my edge for being fussy over quality control. He's right. I needed that accuracy.

I was actually seeking for a new job. A place that offers more endless possibilities to cake art but my current colleague sealed the job. The interviewer questioned my determination to stay within a company - I guess that's why I didn't get the job despite my burning passion for cake art. She on the other hand - was the "some one else" I mentioned earlier that handover her deli duties and I took over. She didn't teach well and there's many short cuts towards the quality of the cake. I was to blame for not questioning and following her trail. Initially, I felt a little blue. But why should I? Feeling blue because I didn't get the job and someone else who starts the foundation sleazy but has better experience got it? That wasn't my shame.

Shame on me for even trying to jump when I should have crawled. So, focus focus. Stay in the loop. I don't need to follow what's already imperfect. The power is in my hand - to create the beauty of perfection.