What a crazy world

I do get the fact that life is a sum of many obstacles and absurdity. But what I don’t understand is; why would people choose to continue to suffer in silence and not voice out? Is it so difficult for us to understand that we, every single person on earth deserves the right to voice out our opinion and not just prolong the torture to continue by accepting that what we are going through is a fact?

So if our mother is a killer, does it mean we deserve to be killed? So if our dad is violent, does it mean we should deserve the pain from the torture? So if our son is the biggest commitment, does it mean we should stick around with a rotten husband?

What is too much and yet the fact? I don’t get it. What is too much or too little? Why don’t people understand that each and every of us deserves to be treated like human? We don’t go by the book of the filial son/ daughter or the loyal husband/wife! There isn’t such a rule.

What I do know is; if we love the person – we wouldn’t bear to see them suffer like this. This world is really made up of crazy lunatics. But the best part of it is; the perfectly sane ones keeps mingling and giving in to the bullies.

Have a piece of fruitcake

The love towards cleanliness is a suffering when you’re living with a house full of debris and lazy bums. And if you have a mom like mine; you’d want to cry so hard that you could flood the house with tears and wish that it will carry away the unwanted materials in the house. I spend more than 2 hours packing the old clothing for charity. It’s not my clothing for Christ’s sake. It belongs to my mom. I don’t understand what is with her! She always keep things which she don’t need and brainwash her mentality believing that their grand children (none of the siblings are married, BTW!) would be able to use it, she kept the utensils thinking she’d make a turkey out of it, she would say one fine day she would make a cake (I’m sure she won’t do it because she is so reluctant to even cook!), keep the recipe for my confinement day and all to that I am still single!

Mom have dozens of old clothing which she kept for “some special” function. I asked her when, she’d say in future whose wedding or how. And when the time comes, she always asks the tailor to make her a new outfit. Pardon me; she’s been getting curvier by the day. My bad – for instance I spent a hundred and five ringgit on fruitcake (Marks & Spencer) this afternoon. We love fruitcake and it’s difficult for us to hunt a fruitcake containing alcohol. Mom’s been pretty stressed lately so I figured filling our tummies full would be a great way to cheer up.

I’ve been busy lately. Some of my friends would know what I’m up to. And trust me; I can’t wait to share what I’ve been up to. Bless me with great strength to continue in what I believe I could do.

I am me once more

So many things happened lately and it made me realize how much I miss talking to one particular person. One person who may have her limitations but the lending ear is always there. The advice may not always work but the support is always heard. At the same time, I’m glad to know that I am supported by my best friends and what love could do. I’m thankful for one person; he was there for me no matter sun or rain. With him, I could always spill my heart and tell a fact which I want to share. It may sting him a little but he never said a word about it. Thank you for being there for me.

I’m defeated. In my entire life, I have no idea why I have to go through the path of broken promises and heart shattering cases. I guess; this is my destiny. For those who hates me would think I probably deserved it. Karma has yet to find its way with me. This is just the beginning and I thought I’ve seen most of it. But I’ve never braved anything like this.

I am judged for loving someone previously. I am judged for my actions which hold much immaturity and less sense compared to where I stand right now. Everyone has a past. Everyone has made mistakes. No one is saint (this is my tagline & also everyone is selfish to an extent). The only difference is; she knows who I am and has heard so much of my evil side but has never heard of the good things I’ve done. *Tiny voice saying “See, I told you!” - Rumors spread like deadly disease.

There is a little good in everyone. Their good may not be our liking but certainly there is. I’ve been going through waves of emotions and seen different faces. Has she heard of my compassion or would she prefer to believe I have a heart made of steel? Has she heard of my actions and filial towards the elderly? Or have I been simply just pretentious of my doings? Judgment is yet to come (when I die) but not now. This is not my time.

I’ve always told people that I don’t care what others think about me (People would roll their eyes upwards and say ya right!). Yes!! It’s right!! It’s not because it makes me sassy; it’s because I can’t stop them from thinking. Today, I felt enough of hiding and braved through my shell of “accuse me”. I had to tell them what they don’t know because they heard too much from one side. How could one judge with the evidence of not seeing it for themselves and rumors that came from people who were not involved? Crap, I call that. Let me tell you what I’ve done and then come judge me.

After having said and done. I’m relieved. Go ahead and think that I’m stubborn. Go ahead and think that I’m trying too hard to prove my innocence. Go ahead and think whatever that makes you happy. Go ahead and make yourself happy with the little thought that stabs you in the heart whenever you think of me! I’m not the one whom is suffering because I’ve said what makes me happy.

But if I managed to speak my heart and make lift your hatred against me; thank you. I’m pleased for just being able to spit what I had in me. That’s enough for my closure. Que sera sera, whatever will be- Will be.